My Life is hectic, exhausting, wonderful, beautiful....

I haven't posted anything in a while. My sweet little baby has started walking, then shortly after that she began running, and now she is into everything. She is so proud of herself, as she should be. We are all proud of her, as well.

I try not to stress too hard if I don't get a lot of writing time in. I know what my priorities are. Right now, I'm enjoying my daughters every day, working on my writing projects every day, and enjoying all of it. No stress, no pressure, no worries.

Life is good...life is good...

Believing In Myself

I've always had a problem with believing in myself. In every area of my life, when I try something new or difficult, I hear a voice telling me I'm crazy for trying. It tells me I'll never make it and I'm wasting my time.

I hear the voice every time I sit down to write. Every single time. I try to ignore it and sometimes I succeed. Other times I allow the negativity to creep in. The doubts take over and I wind up asking myself just who, exactly, I think I am. What makes me think I can actually write something anyone would enjoy reading?

I wish I could silence the voice for good, but I suspect it may always be there. Even if, or WHEN, I get published. Maybe it will become harder to hear over time. Whether it does or not, I plan to write anyway. I'll work on believing in myself as I go.

Self-discipline...

.I've never been very good at it. I'm realizing, though, that without it my list of goals will stay just that. Without self-discipline and making myself do things I may not want to do at the moment, my dreams will remain dreams.
This applies to everything in my life, not just my writing. I've started exercising every day, whether I want to or not. (If I waited until I wanted to exercise, well...) I'm finding that once I get started, I kind of like it. And once it's over, I feel great about myself and what I just accomplished.
Writing is like that. Sometimes I may want to take a nap with my baby instead of using that precious quiet time to write, but I force myself to stay awake and write anyway. And I always feel great about it when I'm finished.
Self-discipline is still something I struggle with at times. I'm human, after all, but the dreams I dream of the things I want (being published, for one) are well worth the effort.

Getting It All Together

My writing projects are all over the place. In desk drawers, folders, and God only knows where else. My WIP is a jumble of scenes. I believe this is why I get so frustrated sometimes when I try and write. I've heard the advice that you should always know where you're going before you sit down to write. That way it will be easier to get started. Well, I don't even know where I am most of the time in my writing, much less where I'm going.

So the next few days will be spent getting my writing (or at least my WIP) organized so I can see where I am and then where I'm going. Wish me luck! (Sometimes I feel like the least organized person in the world)!

Choices

I've been thinking a lot lately about the choices I've made and how they've created the life I'm living now. My WIP is all about choices and the consequences of bad decisions. It's easy to make poor choices. Sometimes we even know at the time what we SHOULD do, but we choose the wrong path anyway.
 I've made some bad choices and some great ones, but every choice has worked to bring me to where I am now - mom to two precious girls. Any other path that doesn't lead to them just doesn't make sense to me.

Being Happy

Why is it when I'm happy, I mean really feeling thankful for all of the blessings in my life, some crabby person comes along and tries to rain on my parade? It happens often and I have to wonder if maybe God is testing me. If He is, that's okay. He knows what I need, of course, and if He feels I need to be tested on my patience or my ability to control my temper and not rip someone's head off, then so be it.
Anyway...about my book - My current WIP is a novel about a homeless man who has battled alcoholism for most of his life. He's basically made a mess of his life and has ended up alone. He wants to make up for time he's lost and try to heal the pain he's caused. I feel for this character. After all, how often do good, decent people make mistakes and often hurt the very people they care about the most? I've been guilty of this myself.
I feel good about this story and I look forward to writing today.
I hope everyone has a wonderful Friday! Don't let anyone rain on your parade! =)

Yippeeeeeeeeeee! Day Two!

Yes, I'm a little excited about writing two days in a row. I have no idea what to write about...other than the fact that I'm writing. (Had to stop right now and read my baby a few books - lots of starting and stopping)!
I've always had a problem staying focused on something. (Even before I had a very active 13-month-old). I have too many thoughts in my head and can't seem to concentrate on any one idea, project, or goal. That needs to change.  A schedule would definitely help. Something even remotely resembling a schedule would help!
My goal now is to finish the first draft of a novel I've been working on (off and on - mostly OFF) for several years.
I will just have to learn to write during naptimes (when she actually naps) and nights and like now, when she is playing by herself for a few minutes. It will take some getting used to, but I will just have to keep my eyes on the goal.